My Hero. My Role Model. My Zaidy

Though I was only the mere age of ten when he was sadly taken from us, and my memories of him are few, I feel as though I knew him so well.

Since the day of his passing there is yet a person I’ve met that had known my grandfather, be it for years or just a five minute encounter, that hasn’t been profoundly touched. 

Yesterday marked the eleventh Yartzheit of my grandfather A"h, Rabbi Yitzchok Meir Kagan.

This blog being in his honor, I want to dedicate this post to him.

Last year in honor of his tenth Yartzheit a gathering was held in his memory. Friends and family gathered and shared their personal experiences with him.

Being able to hear these encounters and stories really touched me.

It made me so proud to be the granddaughter of such a special person.

It made me want to work on myself to become even a fraction of the person he was.

Mostly though it made me want to touch and inspire others the way he did.

The following are a few small recollections of my Zaidy Kagan.

In a world where everyone is so busy rushing- rushing to make the train, get to a meeting, make dinner- just rushing rushing rushing, no one has time anymore to ask another how they are doing. Not my Zaidy. He saw you on the street and greeted you with the warmest Shalom Aleichem, followed by a “how are you doing?” And it wasn't like he had nowhere to be; on the contrary, he was an extremely busy man who followed a strict schedule and believed very strongly in Seder. As one man recalled, there was never a single morning where you wouldn't see Rabbi Kagan, 6:30 AM walking into the Mikvah to start his day.

One man at the gathering spoke about his wedding. He recalled how my grandfather danced with him with such a Simcha, such joy, he felt it more than when danced with his own father. Watching old videos of my grandfather at weddings you can really see this pure delight radiating from him. Whether it was one of his children’s wedding, a nephew, or a friend, he really lived that Simcha to the fullest.

I was speaking to my brother after the gathering trying to reminisce whatever memories we could come up with and he reminded me of a funny story. As kids we used to go to Detroit every Pesach to visit. Once, we were in the car driving somewhere with my Zaidy when a truck drove by with an image of pigs on it. One of us kids, being the kids that we were, pointed and said, “Look- piggies!” My Zaidy looked at us and with a big smile on his face said, “No no Kinderlach, those are just shaved sheep!” That was my grandfather, educating and guiding but through such a love.

Another very profound lesson that I kept hearing from people was how he really lived "in the moment." What ever needed to be done now, he did now.

Anyone that had the honor to Daven with him Yom Kippur all said the same thing. By Neilah he was so serious. My father recalls how his heart would pound in his chest when my grandfather said Shemah; how he cried out with such sincerity and such anguish. But then the minute Yom Kippur was over and Napoleon’s march was sung he would sing with such enjoyment, such Simcha, as if this were the happiest time of his life.

What a lesson. So many times we’re doing something, we’re in a moment, but we’re not actually present. Our mind is in fifty different places thinking about what we’re doing later that day, week and month. When you are doing something, be THERE. The rest of your life isn’t running anywhere so why take away from that moment?

My purpose for writing about my grandfather is not to eulogize him and show off what kind of man he was although I do feel exceptionally privileged and honored to have had such a great figure as my grandfather. I know he would not care for all this fuss and fanfare about him. One of the things the embodied him was his remarkable humility. Rather I’m writing this as a lesson for those who could use a little positivity and encouragement in their life. 

My Zaidy was the epitome of positivity, exuding warmth and love and though I don't remember so much that's one thing that sticks by me. I don't think I ever saw him angry or mad or talk negatively about anyone or anything. My Hachlata in honor of his yartzheit is to really try and embody this Middah. No matter how hard the challenge I hope to always find the good in it.

Zaidy, I miss you terribly and wish you were here to guide me and all the others you so deeply helped on a day to day basis. It should be before your next Yartzheit that we are Zoche to the coming of Moshiach. We should celebrate together my wedding in Yerushalayim, Amen!

You're Not Alone

This past weekend I spent with my future in-laws in Chicago and I had a really wonderful time! 

Although Pesach Sheini has already passed I wanted to take the opportunity to share something. 

The following piece I wrote about a year ago during a challenging time and feel it holds a powerful and important message.

You’re Not Alone

(So quit the self pitying and get hooked on a little faith!)

Why is pain so painful?
Seems like a pretty redundant question.
I mean it wouldn’t be called pain if it wasn’t painful, now would it?
But I beg to differ.
Pain is only as painful as you make it out to be. You are the one in control.
Chassidus could not have made that more clear.

Simply take a look at one of the most fundamental Chassidic concepts- “Moach Shalit Al Halev.” ([The] mind rules the heart.)
What makes us as humans so unique and so special over every other one of G-d’s creations. Over animals, plants, and still life?
The fact that we have this incredibly brilliant power of the mind.
Seemingly one could think it’s the heart that is most powerful. After all it’s the vessel of all our emotions and feelings.
Don't get me wrong, having a heart is crucial.
I mean how mighty and powerful would the mind be had it nothing to rule?
A king is only as powerful as having subjects to reign over.
Knowing how powerful the heart is yet being told that the mind has the capacity to control such a force shows just how much mightier the brain actually is.
Contemplating, delving deep into, and truly understanding this concept of "Moach Shalit Al Halev" is pretty much the anchor to hold onto when one feels like they're being pulled into whirlpools of pain.
Something happens to you,

Tragedy hits your family.
A spouse loses their job.
You didn't get into the school of your choice.
Whatever it may be.
Your initial almost obvious reaction will be to give in to your emotions.
The weight of the pain so overbearing.
But that's where the problem lies, that’s where you go terribly wrong.
Instead, take that opportunity to seize control of your heart with your brain.
Understand and acknowledge that there is a bigger picture. One with millions of intricate details that you can't necessarily see.
No one’s telling you to understand how it is that this seemingly bad thing that's happened is for the good because if we'd actually understood that then we’d be G-d.
All you need to do is acknowledge that there IS in fact a bigger picture. And that we, with our limited understanding, are left with nothing but trust and faith that G-d, with his unlimited understanding, knows what he's doing and that ultimately it’s for our best.
Having true faith is a work in progress. You're constantly going to be tested and there will be times when you feel like a complete fool with no other option than giving up.
But hang in there- YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Every single person, on their own personal level, in their own personal way, struggles and experiences pain.

I saw an interesting quote somewhere once and it really struck me: “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”

What better Yom Tov to discuss faith than Pesach Sheini?

After all this is the holiday all about faith and second chances and who doesn’t love a second chance!?

How sad those Jews felt when they couldn’t celebrate the Korbon Pesach with their fellow brethren due to their impurity. Hashem heard their complaints and reassured them there’d be a second chance and so on the 14^th of Iyar we celebrate what is now known as Pesach Sheini.

Nowadays we commemorate this unique and special holiday by eating Matzah, bread of “faith” as it is commonly referred to.

How is it that Matzah symbolizes faith?

As opposed to regular bread, Matzah has no oil, honey or other ingredients enhancing it. It consists of only flour and water as well as we make sure to not let it rise. Correspondingly, the only “ingredients” for faith are humility and submission to G-d. How is such faith achieved? By recognizing our “nonbeing” when compared with the immeasurable greatness of Hashem.

I have a simple method for upholding and preserving my faith.
Simple, yet so effective.
I call it my "Happiness Mission."
There are so many things in life that make me happy.
My family.
Friends.
Nice weather.
A good read.
A pleasant tune.
A yummy recipe.
The list goes on and on.
Whenever those feelings of irritation, melancholy, hopelessness start creeping in I stop myself and take a deep breath. Then I choose one, sometimes two things from my "list" and just think about them.
People are so quick to judge, complain and grouch about life that seldom do they stop and appreciate the endless good in our lives.
Guaranteed, no matter how bad you think your life is if you had to make a list of the positive and negative, the good would outweigh the bad with flying colors.

It’s all in your hands, its all about YOUR perspective. You want change in your life, you feel like you're a monotonous robot living your life by rote? Well guess what- NONE of that is going to change unless YOU change it and that's pretty much as simple as it is.

We celebrate birthdays.
Anniversaries.
Yomim Tovim.
We're constantly commemorating all the big things.
But what about the small things?
Those seemingly trivial moments that rush by us all too fast.
All too fast because we’re so busy focusing on the next big thing.
Ever stop to just breathe in fresh air.
Stop to smile at a homeless man and watch as you make his day.
Wholeheartedly enjoy the company of a friend whom you talk to or see all the time.
So many beautiful moments in life that just don't get enough credit for we're far too busy focusing on the big moments.
Between juggling careers, relationships, family and just life in general things can get pretty hectic.
But remember, you’re only living life once.
There’s only going to be one Tuesday, May 8th, 2012 that you’ll subsist.
So make every minute of that day worth living.
All it really takes is a smile, or one kind word, that can make a world of a difference. o

The Blue Cadillac

The following is a true story with a powerful lesson told over by Clara Wersterfer:

Most teens can't wait to learn to drive. Not so with me. Driving made me nervous. I didn't get a license until I turned 24 years old. As a result, when I first married, we only had one car and car pooled to work. My husband's hours were different from mine by one hour. I worked earlier. So he dropped me off and went to the diner to drink coffee until work time.

Then, in the afternoons, I leisurely walked the three miles to his work place where I waited in his car, reading a book.

One day while waiting for him, I noticed the most beautiful Cadillac pull in the lot. It was powder blue and sleek looking. The kind of car you dream about. I was busily admiring the car, when I noticed the driver. Honestly, she was probably the prettiest woman I had ever seen.

She pulled into the spot beside our car and it was all I could do not to stare. Our eyes made contact and she smiled at me. Her eyes were as blue as the sea, and teeth like an even row of pearls. She was wearing a light blue shirt that just matched her car. Peeking through her long, softly curled hair I could see gold hoop earrings. They had to be gold to shine like that.

A couple of minutes later, a nice looking man came out the building, entered her car, and she drove away.

Sitting there in my jeans, shirt and hair in a pony tail, I wanted to cry.

How could some people have it all?

Maybe I would have forgotten about her, but the following week, I saw her again. Then it became almost routine to see her about once a week. She seemed friendly and always waved, flashing a big smile. My envy lingered long after she drove away.

Many nights when sleep evaded me, I would think about the beautiful lady. I wondered if she and her husband ate out, and where they dined, and what she was wearing. I wanted her to get out of the car and let me see her full length. Did she wear really high heeled shoes and pants, or a skirt?

I would get my answers in a couple of weeks.

Sitting in our usual parking lot, I was holding my book, watching her over the top of it. She was waiting and when her husband came to the car, she called to him. They spoke a few words and he opened the car door for her to step out. He took her arm and helped her out of the car. I could see very well as she moved to get out. She was wearing a skirt.

She haltingly walked around to the passenger side very slowly, leaning on a walking cane. Sitting sideways in the car, she lifted one leg with her hands and then the other one. The beautiful lady had a prosthesis on the left leg and a brace on the right leg.

I couldn't watch them drive away as the tears were blinding me.

For weeks I had envied this woman and her way of life, while I had been able to walk three miles to our car!

When my husband arrived and found me crying, he immediately asked what was wrong. Through my tears, I told him about the beautiful lady. He said he knew her husband and also knew the story. The beautiful lady and her parents were in a car that either stalled or got caught on the railroad tracks and was hit by a train. Both parents were killed and she was severely injured. She was only 12 years old.

The railroad made a large settlement with her because the crossing had no signals. He explained her car was specially built for her needs as well as the home.

I prayed for forgiveness all the way home. The lady I thought had everything, didn't. I thanked God over and over for my legs, arms and sight, and for teaching me a lesson early on in life.

When you meet a person who seems to be much better off than you, don't be fooled. I would not have traded places with the beautiful lady for anything -- I still had my parents, and the ability to walk, run or dance through life. Wonderful things money can't buy.

A Little Honesty Goes a Long Way

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you." The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today - one very special seed.  I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story.

She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.

Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by but still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.  Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil he so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick at his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!" All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director to bring him to the front.  Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed  and so Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "behold your next Chief Executive! His name is Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new CEO the others said?

Then the CEO said, "one year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today.

But, I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead- it was not possible for them to grow. All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers.

When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive!"

Honesty is something we all struggle with and often we justify telling the complete truth with "a little white lie never hurt anyone." Unfortunately that is not true and you would be surprised just how fast the one little lie turns into a huge web of lies. Next time you're in a situation that may not be the most comfortable and your first extinct is to stretch the truth, remember this story and you never know, you may just be your company’s next CEO!

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment.
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.